Why do we box ourselves?
Within each of us lives a story we quietly tell ourselves about who we are.
I am an extrovert.
I am an introvert.
I like places like this, food like this, and people like these.
We also have these stories about others:
He is this way, and she is that way.
We often feel the need to sum up a person in just a few words.
We hold on to convenient stories—neatly wrapped up and kept safe in our minds—unwilling to let them change.
Until I got to college at 18, I had just two friends my entire life—one from school and one who lived near my home. That’s it. I was an introvert in that respect for 18 years.
Then I hit college, and suddenly, I became an extrovert. I loved being around people, made a lot of friends, and always wanted to be in their company.
Later, I started a company and became the sales guy—a good one at that. I was constantly travelling, meeting prospects, clients, and people. I’d often stay at friends’ houses instead of hotels.
Eventually, we sold the company, and I moved to a new city.
Now, in Mumbai, I’ve made a few new friends—one or two couples we hang out with. But most of my time is spent alone, reading, researching. I rarely attend get-togethers. I’ve gone back to being an introvert, enjoying time with myself.
Who knows what the next few years will be like?
I was always interested in looking at myself and trying to understand myself.
Figuring out answers to questions like: Am I an extrovert? Or an introvert?
The thing is, I no longer know. Or care.
It no longer feels like the right question—just an appendix to our need to put things in boxes, to conclude.
The same thing continues once we have children.
When we observe our child, we notice shyness, naughtiness, and other x, y, z traits—and we begin to form a story in our mind: ‘This is what my child is like.’
Our mind wants to conclude. But maybe we don’t need to.
Maybe our child can be whatever the situation demands—an introvert when they feel like it, and an extrovert when they want to be. And if we don’t conclude for them, maybe they won’t conclude for themselves either.
Our need to conclude is taught to us. It’s useful to make sense of the world—until it isn’t.
And then it stands in the way of making sense of ourselves.
Let us stop thinking of our child as ‘this’.
Or ourselves as ‘that’.
Stop boxing ourselves.
And maybe we will then stop boxing our child.
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